There’s no time like the holidays for feeling time pressured and stressed out. With an extra-long to-do list, which now includes buying presents, decorating, and entertaining, and a calendar filled with holiday obligations, it’s hard to think of finding time to do anything for yourself.

As December nears and everyone’s stress levels start to rise, it becomes easy to identify with my client who was so tired of “doing for” everyone else throughout the holiday month that one year she announced to her family that she was going on strike. She told them that unless everyone got together for a family meeting to divide up the holiday-related tasks, their family holiday was just not going to materialize. Her family—husband, two teens, and two preteens—did sit down with her, and not only did they agree to take over some of the jobs she had always done alone, but they also came up with some gift-giving plans that simplified the shopping process. My client later told me, “I stood up for myself, and it was the best thing I ever did.”

The true ingredients for an enjoyable holiday are family and friends and having time to enjoy them. Here are some suggestions on how to find time, save time, and enjoy your holidays.

• Remove the “should” from the holidays. Sit down with the friends or family members with whom you will spend the holidays and discuss what is important to each person. Try to build December’s calendar with the goal of letting each person choose one activity—whether it’s baking cookies together or going to a holiday movie—and then say no to the invitations or events that aren’t part of the priority list everyone has decided upon. If just being with the family is what you want to do this holiday, then turn down outside invitations. You can reemerge for social interactions in January.
• Consider what decorating you really want to do. Skip whatever you don’t enjoy or isn’t necessary.
• Think outside the box. There are no rules for having a proper holiday. If your extended family or group of friends thinks that back-to-back movies followed by a big dinner of pancakes would make for a fun holiday, then go for it.
• Set limits. When you were single or just a couple, it may have been possible to make the rounds to parents and in-laws on the same day. A new baby often complicates your schedule. Make a new decision—are you staying home and can they come to you? Are you going to alternate houses year to year? Decide what will work for you, and give everyone some advance warning so they’ll have time to adjust.
• Simplify. Instead of creating an elaborate gingerbread house this year, frost cookies together instead.
• Consider volunteering for your favorite charity or gathering gifts for people in need. Although volunteering adds to your to-do list, the rewards are great, and donating your time truly exemplifies the holiday spirit. Check with nearby military bases, veteran’s groups, your church, a local shelter, or a teen center to see how you can help. One family has created a tradition of working together at a soup kitchen every holiday to remind themselves of how lucky they are.
• Even a holiday party can be for a good cause. Request that guests bring a wrapped toy or book for a child (marked with what it is or the age for which it is appropriate), and then donate those items to a local charity.
• Don’t be a martyr by trying to make everything “perfect” for everyone else. The day will be more pleasant for everyone—you especially—if you skip the part where you’re so overworked that the holiday isn’t fun anymore.

Save time by being better organized
One surefire way to save time during the hectic holiday season is to organize seasonal supplies. You’ll never have time to bake your favorite holiday cookies, for example, if you have to spend hours tearing the house apart to find Grandma’s special recipe!

• Create a holiday binder. Buy a notebook to dedicate to the holidays. This is a useful time-saver when used year after year.

Buy a set of five dividers with pockets. Then dedicate a section to:

1. Holiday to-do list
2. Holiday card list
3. Holiday recipes
4. Gift ideas (catalog pages that show gift ideas, receipts for purchases, and so forth)
5. Entertaining